Monday, June 28, 2010 | 4:58 AM
this post will be full of angst. and thus, swear words. so, don't blame me for any shock, any... losses?(what, parents look over your shoulder and see a flood of vulgarities) and any change in your mood.
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first day of school. hell, everyone hates it. so.
and we're getting back our exam papers.
geography was. pathetic. but still okay.
math was shit. seven marks careless.
science was... mediocre.
chinese. was. so bloody fucked up.
geog.. it was really stupid. days before the exam, i actually bothered to mug, like.. i don't know, really. come back home straight away mug till night, so it's around.. four hours? plus minus.(all subjects)
memorising statistics, revising concepts, looking through old papers to avoid mistakes, memorising essay structures, comparing to model essays, etc. spammage of mindmaps.(around like, five pages worth) and then 28.5/40. this, is shit. average is higher. essay 11/15 and paper 17.5/25.
for essay, i just can't freaking understand, why certain.. concepts, reason consequence have to be so elaborately explained. i mean, sometimes it's redundant to overelaborate and so i jsut shorten it. and thus, there's the carrot in between the sentence and a question mark. like what the fuck do you want, retarded examiner i write mroe you say overelaboration you say it's like notes I CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE YOU DUMBASS unless you're underestimating the whole singapore population to not be able to understand MODUS PONENS, IF P, THEN Q. P. THEREFORE Q. THEN WHY THE FUCK MUST I ELABORATE FURTHER? all i see is red lines streaming across underlining my sentences.
forgive me for being so very blunt.
no, really.
hell. fine, partially it's my fault. statistics just went out of my head and.. it's just so frustrating. that you can't do a thing about it. that.. helplessness.
moving on.
math.
seven marks careless.
i was rushing for time, and so yeah.
sigh.
math teacher said it was a hard paper anyway.
science.
nothing much. just forgot some part of the concept. just.. could've done better. (kawin got full marks. for science.)
chinese.
i.. really won't post my results here.but i passed. if you wanna know just message me or ask me personally.
oh, i got lowest in class. when my chinese standard isn't. i'm like, below average but... lowest? that's so darn.. screwed.
i did spend alot of time studying chinese, it being my worst subject. memorising ci yu, cheng yu, stuffs. and yet i minused four marks. fuck. it really puts me off the way i study and i not get it right. it's just memorising. and yet it didn't come out. yeah i think you'd understand.
then i just flunked the rest la.
i'm too tired to explain how and why. but reasons are stupid.
and with these fucked up results it absolutely ruined my day. the angst is so much that my brain was really tired. and it is now, too.
i've realised i can find a thing i hate about every fucking single thing, object, being on this planet.
i've realised that when i was in that state, not a positive thought came out. for the whole of school. like, hell i tried to smile and laugh but after a while i just couldn't be bothered. fake smiles will do.
i don't know about you, but when i'm really, really, upset and angry, if you took a little peek in my mind, i'm sure you'd die.
die, you fucking spider in the boys toilet.
die, you damn ant who keeps tickling my legs.
die, the plant which i never fail to brush past and leave me with some itches.
die, shitty good-for-nothing mosquito.
die, stupid pillar which i crashed into headfirst accidentally.
die, fucking heavy bag.
die, retarded uncle who blocked my way on the escalator although i said "excuse me" loudly and made me miss the freaking train. i hate that feeling of almost grasping something but letting it slip away.
just die.
and the shit thing is, i can't dispense all the hate and angst, cuz if i do, it won't be good, i'd just end up with more. and thus i have to just ignore it. which pisses me off more. which doesn't make sense. you don't either. the teacher doesn't either. the goddamn school doesn't either. life, doesn't make sense either.
i don't know why i wrote this blog post, but if you're reading this then you'll probably think that i'm going insane.
well i'm not, you fool. i exercise self control unlike some insensitive bastards in my class who pms and get into fights over nothing and end up getting the whole fucked up class in trouble.
fools.
i wish i could highlight all that i've written, all the angst in my brain, and click "Delete".
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and again, forgive my bluntness.
